Proficient day Dan, I demand your help with something.
Recently I had a conversation with a friend (she'due south a straight female, I'm a two-Spirited one) and she said to me, "Men who are 100% directly can have sex with other men and still telephone call themselves totally direct... That's their self truth, they're even so straight."

Sponsored

New Histrion Friendly - we tin conform individuals or Individual GROUPS!

I thought that was a cop out. I get that everyone has the right to refer to themselves any way they similar just I'm not necessarily gonna believe them. My thinking went, ok, but what is so difficult for them to just say, "Hey, actually, I"thousand not 100% directly"??! Obviously, there are lots of reasons why it'due south hard to do that (history has been very unkind to those who are not completely in the hetero box, there'southward a lot to lose, I know first hand). But imagine a earth where every unmarried person who wasn't "totally straight" just said it at the aforementioned time?!

Anyhow, my friend was quick to point out that I"m pretty closed for thinking the manner I do, for not thinking a 100% straight man can slumber with other men and still refer to himself equally straight. Of course, he tin can SAY it, a person can SAY anything. Doesn't make it and so, dude. I mean, isn't that what that unit of measurement of measurement means?? 100% ways completely, totally, the whole kit and kaboodle, etc. Am I wrong in thinking the way I exercise, Dan? Am I closed or dismissive because of my beliefs? What am I missing?

Dudes Identifying Correctly Kinda Meaning

I run into where you're coming from, DICKS. Direct means directly and a guy who fucks other dudes isn't 100% straight. But... information technology may non exist so simple.

Your friend is kindasorta correct. A straight guy can have sex with some other man and withal be a straight guy—even a 100% straight guy. Why? Because kissing/bravado/fucking a dude isn't gonna turn a straight guy into a gay guy. So if the guy wasn't gay earlier kissing/blowing/fucking a dude, he's not going to be after. Because, you come across, self-identification isn't always congruent with behavior and behavior isn't always congruent with desire and apathetic apathetic blah. Think prisons, pirate ships, and boardings schools—recollect situational homosexuality.

Now virtually straight-identified dudes who fuck other men aren't in prison, on pirate ships, or at all-boys boarding schools. So I happen to agree with yous, DICKS, that a dude who fucks dudes isn't 100% straight. But can those guys still identify as straight? Sure, if that's how they feelz. But while information technology may be "their truth," per your annoyingly high-minded straight friend, information technology's not the truth, per yous and me, all sensible people everywhere, facts at manus, objective reality, etc. (Directly girls who lecture gay men and 2S guys almost how homosexuality works. Anoint their hearts.)

A few more than wrenches to throw in the werks: There are straight guys who don't have dicks, DICKS. A directly guy with a dick could discover himself in a relationship with a guy with a vagina. (Guy with dick marries woman with vagina, woman transitions to male person, couple remains married. Voila: a 100 percent direct guy is having sexual practice on the regular with another dude.) There'due south also something of a a huge fucking double standard when it comes to straight guys and sexual exploration. Direct-identified women are allowed to be sexual with other women and all the same identify as direct (%100 even), while men who have sex with other men—even one time—spend the rest of their lives beingness told they're really bisexual or gay because at that place's no manner they could've done that otherwise.

There'due south likewise the difference between being homoamorous and homosexual, heteroamorous and heterosexual, biamorous and bisexual, and various combos of all of the above. There are guys out in that location who similar to fuck guys and girls simply only fall in love with girls. I think those guys are bi and most of those guys identify as bi. But some identify as straight. You know, for reasons. (Bi erasure is a game anyone can play.)

All that said, there are guys out there who claim to be 100% straight while bouncing from cock to erect to cock—guys who, once again, aren't in prison or on pirate ships. At present we all want to live in a world where straight-identified guys can mess around with another guy once or twice without being told they're gay, but we tin can't be naive and/or credulous: we currently live in a world where homophobia runs rampant. Some men who sleep with other men claim to be 100% direct because they have no choice—it's not possible to be openly gay everywhere (Chechnya, Jamaica, Vatican city)—but others claim to be straight because they think at that place'south something wrong with beingness gay and they hate themselves and other gay men, including (specially) the gay men they fuck. (See: "Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?," The Onion, Oct 28, 1998.) It'south not always possible to decide who's identifying equally straight under duress and who'south identifying every bit straight due to internalized homophobia. But it'south how nosotros passed the fourth dimension before Twitter and Fidget Spinners came forth.

In conclusion, DICKS, I'm with you: people can identify however they like—and nosotros should respect people'due south identities and not be assholes to each other and blah blah blah—just we're non obligated to believe everything a person says. I mean, Liberace, Ted Haggard, Elton John, Larry Craig, George Michael, and I all identified equally straight once. For reasons, good and bad. It was nice that our parents, fans, congregants, and constituents played along. But we were lying. Which is not to say that all straight-identified guys who sleep with or have slept with other men are lying. Simply it's a stretch to say they're all truthing.